New Blog Address

Hey everyone,

I’ve shifted my blog to http://zonkedzombie.blogspot.com. See you there. Happy Reading.

Oh Brother

Ad of the day : Godrej Fairglow soap

Girl with wheatish complexion to fair complexioned girl: “Tumhare Gorepan ka raaz kya hai? ” (Translation: what is the secret of your fair complexion?)

Fair complexioned girl (in singsong manner): “Main nahati hoon” (I take a bath)

Really? Darn, why didnt I try THAT before.

Couch Potato

Seven movies in eleven days. The last time I managed that was in June 2001. One of them included the ’30 crores-on-this?!?!’ blockbuster Raju Chacha, but the primary attraction was the free food, so the ordeal was easier to deal with. This time around, the list was slightly better, and strangely enough, through this entire experience, the connection between the movies and food remained.

Blood Diamond, American Pie: Bandcamp, American Pie: The Wedding, American Pie: The Naked Mile, Open Season, 300.

Like every good buffet, the list included a brilliant starter (BD) and a delicious dessert (300). The main course was colourful (Naked Mile), but not worthy of more than a cursory glance (Bandcamp). Besides, who cares about the main course anyway?

As my buffet buddies will testify, there is a golden rule that one must never break after a hearty meal.

It states, ” I solemnly swear that I shall not be able to touch another morsel of food for a few hours, else be prepared to pay for my unfaithfulness to the sacred buffet. Amen.”

Sorry fellas, but I committed the sin last Saturday. Tempted by another helping of the dessert (300), but denied by its non availability, I instead found myself watching the movie equivalent of used mouthwash.

Shaka Laka Boom Boom. That movies not meant for 4 years olds can have such titles is staggering. I was in a forgiving mood, so I didnt harp on it, but then, to my perplexity, I saw Bobby Deol on screen. Hadn’t this guy, wisely, spared us for good a few years ago? Apparently not.

Of course, the fact that he shared the screen with Upen Patel, Kangana Ranaut and Celina Jaitley didnt help matters. And with dear old Himesh joining in the party, the movie plodded on.

It had it’s fair share of Oscar winning dialogues as well, with the Pièce de résistance being, “What they do not know does not exist”, referring to.. nah, forget it.

By this time, we concluded that the only sane reason why such an epic would be made was that it was infact a test, to check the IQ levels of the audience, whether it was humanly possible to sit through the entire movie, and see how long they would let it run.

I thought we aced the test. Paying Rs. 100 (!) for the ticket ensured we watched the movie. We steeled ourselves against the humour, held our heads during the dialogues, but we survived. Phew.

Moral of the story: Break the law if you wish to, but at your own peril. May that peril be less perilous than what we had to suffer. 🙂

In a happier era though, the buffet itself made for an excellent meal.

The American Pie series is either hilarious or stifling, depending on which world you come from, but it remains faithful to its B-grade rating. Could probably watch them once, but no more.

Open Season is the quintessential jolly animation movie with a subtle message to pass and is worth a dekko.

Blood Diamond and 300 are the ones to really look forward to, though. If conflict diamonds and Greek Mythology mean anything to you, don’t miss them. If they don’t, still watch them.

The Chef’s special? I’d say BD.

What say you?

a) How dare you criticise Upen Patel ya? I mean, he and Kangana looked so sweet as a couple. And that stage show song. So romantic. You and your useless English movies na.

b) Dude! How can you even look beyond the American Pie Series? Nadia, Tracy, Officer Krystal! Surely they’re the best of the lot.

c) Boog is soooo cuute. And what about Elliot? I can’t believe you’re not rating Open Season the best. Waah!

d ) Spartans! We will show this writer what we think of him. Chose a stupid diamond movie over majestic Greek Mythology and warfare, didn’t he?

e) Hey! I got the Blood Diamond DVD. Wanna come over? 😉

Writer notes: Ahem. Will take a call after careful consideration.

f) None of the above/Some of the above. And I’ll be nice enough to explain why by adding a comment. 🙂

Return Of The Zombie

Dear select group of readers,

The blog is active again! Unreal I know but it’s true! All those (1-2) who have been thirsting for more since November the 2nd, rejoice.

I always thought one needed inspiration to write. Now I’ve figured a break of 155 days works just as well.

Besides, too much of a good thing is bad, right? (Escapism inspired by Calvin) 🙂

Speaking of 155, it reminds me of Sachin’s brilliant century against South Africa in 2001. Err… Apologies for stoking the fire.

Time for the posts.

Toodle-doo.

Google Gaming

“In Google we trust” , asserts a friend in his email signature.

And with its wonderful ability to quickly conjure information for every query known to man, Google deserves the goodwill. Or in this case, trust.

Ah, but it doesn’t stop at that, does it?

The curious species that we are, once we begin to trust someone/something, we like spending more time with/on them.

When that something happens to be a search engine that contains everything in the whole wide world, ever, it becomes a little distracting.

Distraction turns to engrossment, whereby the right side of the brain, aligned to fantasy, impetuously begins to wonder, “Could there be more I can do with this? probably come up with games to explore these 3 billion pages better?”

And at that precise moment, ladies and gentleman, the engrossment irreversibly turns into addiction.

Ask Dave Gorman.

Or even better, watch “Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack adventure”.

I did, the title doing just enough to raise the “inquisitive alarm”.

The beginning was hilarious alright, but the question on my mind, and now presumably on yours :p, was , “what the hell is a Googlewhack?”

The answer arrived in the time it takes for light to travel from the earth to the sun, and I was suitably enlightened.

Yes, yes, now so shall you. Allow me.

Googlewhacking is a game played using Google’s search engine. Now if you enter two words into the search box (no inverted commas) , google then goes out and searches over 3 billion pages and returns with results which have not one, but both of the words you typed in.

Normally, if you typed, say, Nokia phones, you’d get a result showing you 48,900,000 pages of information.

If, however, the result shows you one, and only one page of information, containing both the words, that there is a googlewhack.

There are rules, though.

1. No punctuations (inverted commas) to be used. Just two words typed into the search box. (In puctuations it’s a Googlethud!)

2. Both words must exist in the English language. Google indicates this by underlining words present in the dictionary when the search results arrive.

3. The words cannot be part of a words list. They must be present in a real website and written in context. (If they are present in a wordlist, it’s a Googlesmack!)

Ok, so what’s the big deal, you may ask?

The big deal is that when a balding, thirty something Britisher with a red beard and funny expressions questions your homo sapien identity with, “If you find out what a Googlewhack is, and you’re sitting at a computer when you find what one is, and you dont try to find one, you’re not bloody human!” you will sodding look for one, wont you? (Golly! Now I’m speaking British!:))

Which is precisely what I did. (After watching the movie of course, it’s too funny and dramatic to stop watching. Give me a blank cd, I’ll burn a copy for you!)

Only it isnt as easy as it seems.

I began with bamboozled spelunking (270 pages), onto heraclitean Gorgonzola (58 pages), then to whatchamacallit kyphosis (38 pages) and when tchotchke zugzwang returned 10(!) results, I admitted defeat and vowed to fight another day.

But wait. What I’d failed to mention was that when I was going through http://www.googlewhack.com – where all Googlewhacks are recorded, like a hall of fame- I happend to go through news about Googlewhacking.

Where I chanced upon another game, Googlefight!

Still smarting from the whackjack, I hoped Googlefight would provide compensation. And my word it did!

Let me explain.

Googlefight (to be played on http://www.googlefight.com) is a game wherein you compare two words or searches, say “hands” vs “feet”, and see which one registers the most hits. And while Google stacks up the numbers, two stick figures fight each other.

The figure of the winning search actually kicks the loser figure out! And when my first matchup produced the result that I wanted, I was delighted.

<>FC Barcelona 6,730,000

Real Madrid CF 2,410,000

You beauty!

<>Comparing your favourite foods, celebrities, teams does take time, but is worth every bit. Oh yes!
Funniest Fight: “me” vs “myself”

No Prizes for guessing the winner….

“Me!” :p

If that wasn’t enough, Google threw another teaser at me, this time in the form of a image quiz!

http://blog.outer-court.com/quiz the place to go, connect 5 images, answer and score points. Suited to those who enjoy quizzing, and I loved it.

You might find all of this to be a little trivial. Sure, there are better games to play on the internet but once you watch the movie, Google Gaming will stick on. 😉

For a while atleast.

The Road to El Dorado

 

location: Chair

mood: sleepy

music: Coming back to life- Pink Floyd

 

Eureka! I have demystified the purpose behind strategically locating engineering colleges at an average distance of 20 km away from the city.

And no, it isn’t because they couldn’t find enough real estate within the city. You see, engineering colleges masquerade as ‘professional educational institues’. This implies that the students must conduct themselves in a manner that a ‘pro’ would be proud of.

Study smart, analyse everything around you and most importantly, figure a way out to deal with inconveniences. Hence the requirement to haul yourself over fifty kilometres each day.

A devious plan hatched by the “wise” designed to test patience, endurance and innovativeness.

Making it to college every morning is akin to completing a mini-marathon anyway.

While this is arduous, once you program yourself to the rigours, it’s quite some fun.

An inside look then at the various ways students attack the “mini-marathon”:

<>1. The Silver Spoon Babas: Quite simply, this is the percentage of the crowd that cruises through the college gates in their shiny new pieces of metal, err.. cars. With Daddy dearest’s humble blessings(and freeflowing greenbucks) , Rs 8000 worth of fuel every month comes easy. Driving at 120 kmph on a two-lane road with approaching traffic and cheating death seems funner for them though.P.S. Hands down winners of “the fastest mode to reach college”. Not necessarily safe or cheap. Their reply? “Yawn, we reach college in thirty minutes. Good enough”

Percentage of students who travel this way:10%

2. Pool Dudes: The second segment of students in cars, not as “prestigious” as the first simply because money for the fuel is “pooled in”. Five students travel. Everyone pays. Fast, economical and fun.

<>Percentage of students who travel this way: 10%

<>3. Street Hawks: This breed zooms into college on two wheels. Avengers, Pulsars, CBZ’s and the evergreen Splendor abound in Red and Black. Works great as fuel costs are minimised. Compensated for by regular visits to Docs who treat backs. No pain, no gain machomen.Percentage of students who travel this way: 5%

4. And it was all Yellow: The quintessential yellow college buses cater to a large section of the student population. These rickety old buses, painted in bright colours to temporarily distract the student from the reality of the pathetic conditions they are in, often form the best ground for cementing friendships, ragging, singing, sleeping and gazing. The rides are bumpy, but if ye seek convenience & economy, this is the way to go.

Percentage of students who travel this way: 35%

5. Cling on to ’em: This segment refers to those who make it to college by RTC buses. The mantra: “Come hell or another hundred students in this bus, I’m going to stand, stomp or cling and reach the insti” Packed, overflowing, running at an angle that road vehicles are not designed to (30 degrees to the horizontal), this is the ultimate test of strength of character to reach college. You see where the toppers are coming from?

Percentage of students who travel this way: 25%

<>6. 7/11: Once all your options have exhausted, i.e. missed bus, friend’s car halfway to college, no RTC bus in the next half hour… then comes the challenge of making it to college in Seven seater autos with no less than eleven people and an old music system blasting movie songs at full treble. All this at a sedate pace of 20 kmph. Perfect testing arena for your patience, ear drum blowup limit, and lung capacity (to scream at the driver to stop the music)Percentage of students who travel this way: 10%

A special mention for innovative autos which have the facility to sit at the rear, facing the oncoming traffic. The last time I tried it, two cars seemed to fancy crashing into my legs, a cow sweetly walked up and gave me a wet nose greeting at a stop (thankfully I’m an animal lover) and speedbreakers threatened to wrench my heels away.

Nonethless, it was great fun. At Rs 8, definitely the cheapest roller coaster ride in the world replete with heart stopping moments.

Percentage of students who travel this way: Me, once in a while!! Hehe.. 5%

Well, there you go. The exciting adventures of the Engineering elite. If you’re looking for fun ways to spend a morning out in the sun, we won’t disappoint you.

As for me, there’s still one way left to travel. Seated on top of that bus in the picture below. Sounds like fun. Are you game? 😉

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